Wow. What a life.
My favorite stories are of redemption, of transcendence.
You can't reach redemption, you can't transcend, if you're already there. Your origin has to have room for that. Humble, disadvantaged origins make a good story.
What a story.
Rural Pennsylvania. Orphaned at two. Orphanage until six.
"We only adopted you so that Terry could have a playmate." That might have been a one-off (I don't know), but it did its damage.
Growing tough is a survival skill. Everybody who survives grows as tough as they need to to survive.
Mom was strong. She was tough. She had to be.
Grace is not an instinct. You don't need grace to survive. It's harder to learn. It's hard to learn to be vulnerable when life has clearly taught you that you cannot be.
Single parenting in a new town, waiting tables...
Mom meets Dad at a Big Daddy's Lounge in Miami. Sparks and then a year-long pause. Then they're married within a week. Boom.
Suddenly four strong, tough richly emotional stubborn survivors in a blender. Emotional, yet not articulate. Yikes.
I'm not sure what Mary Alyce was expecting with Kenny. They had a great love affair and long wonderful marriage and partnership. But did Mary Alyce expect stability? Did she know what she had signed up for?
We move to Orlando for Ken to start his construction business. I remember of our first violent Central Florida thunderstorm, Mom clutching Danny and me in the "master bed" in our trailer while Dad was building our first house. She had good maternal instincts.
Their love bore Anna Marie, born on the first upswing. They endured a collapse (the first) and Theresa Ann arrived at the beginning of a long rebound - the second upswing. Some really good years in here. Perhaps the best.
A second collapse. Ken starting from scratch again. Working door-to-door selling bathroom sinks and later manning a booth at a flea market. A long rebound. Resilient. Side-by-side.
Another collapse and finally, the collapse of her husband, her love.
From this one there is no true rebound, no real recovery, no upswing.
She never "moved on" from him. Couldn't. Didn't want to.
Of course we didn't either. But we had our romantic partners and/or hope for the future.
And a nasty bout of cancer. Within weeks of losing Ken.
Ken had been gone the last third of her life and she always missed him.
But she had a great deal of joy in her life in spite of all this loss.
There were health hardships in the last few years. In addition to her life-long strength, she exuded a consistent positivity, a constant thanfulness. Staff at the hospitals and the recovery centers loved her. "She would ask about me, my life, and offered advice". Grace.
Honestly, if you had told me this ten years ago, maybe as recently as five - I wouldn't have believed you. Mom, an example of grace? No way.
Mom's life - against anything I ever would have believed - is my enduring example of redemption, of transcendence, of learning to live each day with grace.
Thank you to all of you who helped her get there - we can never do these things alone.
Finally, let's consider the Lord's Prayer. After the preamble (the butter up) we ask for some things.
The first thing we ask for is our daily bread - the stuff we need to survive.
The very next thing we ask for - even before the 'deliver us from evil' (which I would consider very ver y important) - Lord forgive us our trespasses. Our offenses. Not just heinous crimes, but the times we fail to be our best selves, our most patient selves, our gracious selves. Lord forgive us for failing to be kind.
As we forgive those who trespass against us. As we forgive those who hurt us, as we forgive those who are unkind to us.
Recognizing that we have something to be forgiven for. Recognizing that we failed to be better, and that we're sorry for it inevitably leads to being able to forgive ourselves and each other. They are not just similar, they are the same.
Lord forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.
Lord forgive us for being hurtful as we forgive those for who hurt us.
Lord forgive us for being less than kind as we forgive those for being less than kind to us.
Love is earned. Grace is given. Grace is love that is given without being earned; given when you know that it may be a risk. When you know it may hurt. Religions are built on grace.
Embracing vulnerability and forgiveness are the keys to grace.
Lord forgive me as I forgive. Forgive me with the same grace I show others.
As we reunite Mary Alyce with her Life Love, Kenny, after so long, remember the joy you brought to her and the joy she returned to us.
Let her life inspire you to redeem, to transcend. That as tough as we had to be to survive, we can still learn grace. And our lives and the lives of those around us will be so much richer for it.
What an example. What a life.
Mary Alyce and Ken, together at last. No grace required here. Their love was worthy. Their love was forged together. Their love is real.
Rest together in peace. Rest in love.