So, it was three years ago (not two), where mom had a major health issue.
I wrote this then: https://jeffpen.net/fear (it's long and heavy).
We've had three amazing - fully intact - years after that, three years I am truly thankful for.
The brain gets in the way a lot (especially men :) ).
Her sudden vulnerability at that time broke through some emotional barriers I had long-maintained out of fear. My fear of her fear overcame my limiting vestigial fear.
These past three years will allow me to recognize, to remember, to FEEL the previous fraught fifty in a greater fulfilled whole. A fulfilled arc that brought both my head and my heart to her, where I'll be able speak and write of our long journey together with the respect, appreciation, and the real love - finally - that she deserves.
So, yeah, this week sucks, but in the context of the arc of a life, how could I not be profoundly thankful?